I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I don't think brook has ever known best
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
