so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
