Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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