shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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