It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
