I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
