You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
