well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
