Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
