all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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