walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
