I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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