Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
