and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
