Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
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