then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
