I skipped work to stalk him.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
