Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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