I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
The adults are the big ones right?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
