is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Just cropdusted the office
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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