My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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