I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize