i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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