i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
