Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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