omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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