Just fell off a train. Bad.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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