Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
