You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
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He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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