i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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