And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
