Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Your cock deserves a montage
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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