I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
