Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize