I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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