It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
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I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
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The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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