its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
