dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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