Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
