I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
