somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
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How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
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Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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