if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
