I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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