um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
