I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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