remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
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Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
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I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
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