he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
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