Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
