every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
