Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
