Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
