you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
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