I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
