carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
We have so much sex to catch up on
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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