the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
