The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
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