why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
