I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
